New steps of change

After having been very anti-social my blog-wise, I always start the post with whining about how I don't have enough time to write, or how I've just been inexcusably lazy. Not tonight. Haa!
A new page has turned in my life in many aspects. I turned 19 some days ago (make it five), and this is my last year of teenagership (must love making words up) - so does that mean I should use the chance to do crazy/stupid things and still get away with it? To be honest, this year, I didn't get the "birthday feeling" at all. I just reached some new level of comprehending affairs around me, with this very calm bystander's feeling. Am I getting old? What defines old? Or is it called mature? Anyways, I've found the peace of mind I've so desperately been looking for, in many aspects. I really like the feeling - what ever comes my way - I'll take it as an adventure.. And after all, I do not think I have the power to manipulate fate anyways, so why bother with things you cannot change? Things will always go the way they have to, and what's left for you to do is to enjoy the journey.
I have been accepted to three universities in the United Kingdom for now. Still waiting to hear from Cardiff and Queen Margareth in Edinburgh. I had a telephone interview with London Westminster on Friday, and I don't want to boast, but I aced it pretty well. Felt confident, and good, and the man whom I was talking to, seemed to be more than delighted to stumble upon me. I am pretty sure this certainty with my future adds to the general peace of mind also. I don't really have to worry about much anything. As long as I get my finals done the way I've done my mocks this far, I'll be good. Security is a good feeling. Makes me feel absolutely invulnerable.
What makes me even more happy, is that I've finally partially achieved something I've been striving towards for the past two years. The reason behind me moving to Finland was being able to study in the UK.. And what am I going to do now? The most stupid act from my part at the moment would be letting it all go, and lowering my standards. This is the final struggle, and better make it good. Work hard, party hard.
When it comes to human relationships, some shifts in powerlines have taken place also. I thought me moving to Finland filtered my friends a great deal. What I've noticed now, is that time tends to do that also. New people come your way, and sometimes take a surprisingly big and important position. Whereas the people you've held closer to your heart than anything else fade away. It most probably does not mean they would not hold you dear any more, but.. maybe distance/time and other dimensions just lose their meaning? In any case, I do know that friendships are a two-way process, and cannot function if only one side is being active. It's a pity, but then again, as I mentioned earlier, things probably just go the way they have to, and there's nothing you can do about it, but accept, and enjoy the new circumstances. It's definitely not worse, just different. Strange, how people are actually scared of different/new things. Why? Insecurity that comes along with unpredictability?
It is indescribably nice to have the thicker end of the rope, and actually not care about it. Indifference is not the case - but you just don't let anything get to you. Trivialities are just trivialities (which should not bring anyone down). A nice, clean picture in my head. Clean-clear, and confident.
But how many Wrongs have to cross our way before we find the Least Wrong One? Is there such thing anyways? One I know for certain, though: honesty, dignity, self-love, and prioritising [yourself] are the key to this nice zenness I'm experiencing right now.
Keep your eyes and minds open to everything, and the world will seem like a nicer place. Inevitabilities are maybe unpleasant, but the way you tune yourself determines how easily you'll bite your way through it.
Enough of this preaching, I feel good. Hope everyone does, on some level.
Now there's one fight [flight?] left - what to do with this occasional creepy-crawly feeling of affection deprivation?

Future looks bright and exciting. Hold tight, world, and do behave.