So, it's 06:19 and I'm fed up, or I mean.. I can't make sense any more. I didn't write my conclusion yet, but the contents are ready. I feel relieved. But as I would have to wake up in 45 minutes, I don't think I am going to bed any more. So I'll go have a very early breakfast after a nice shower. But I'm still proud of myself for getting Something done. The quality of the work is a totally different topic, of course..
It's so dark outside!
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
I'm so flute
... and slightly losing it by now. It's 02:35 and I'm wide awake, partially due to the lack of blood in my caffeine stream. This is what you get for being an IB and teachers pulling a nasty trick on your ass with moving a deadline two weeks earlier.
But then again, I'm quite well-motivated to get it done, because the flow is good and I'm feeling the caffeine groove also. And hey, after I'm over and out with it, it's DONE! What a relief it will be! At the moment there's still one part of the content to write, then the conclusion. Abstract will be done last. 4.5h to go, I should be fine.
Harr, envy me!
But then again, I'm quite well-motivated to get it done, because the flow is good and I'm feeling the caffeine groove also. And hey, after I'm over and out with it, it's DONE! What a relief it will be! At the moment there's still one part of the content to write, then the conclusion. Abstract will be done last. 4.5h to go, I should be fine.
Harr, envy me!
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Defenestrate my sanity
Ku Klux Klan meets Batman.[Pardon my ignorance, but since when do horses wear hats?]
The persistence of memory
I'm feeling a bit better after having fought a gay-ass flu for a few days now. I suppose the bacterion I caught was some sneaky French creature. After all, some already well-known Finnish shred wouldn't have mowed me down so bad, would it? Anyhow, I bet no-one is really interested in familiarising in depth with my medical record. Therefore, I'll rather give you some more pseudo-philosophical-past-midnight obsessive ideas to ponder about. A thing called 'trust'. How do we know, whether it's safe to trust a person or not? What is trust anyways? As trust is such an abstract idea, it's hard to really put it in words or give a relevant explanation about all the heartland, for me at least. Or maybe it's that I'm not that familiar with the term myself? Of course, I trust my family and all my beloved friends, but I suppose it's slightly different from the trust you have towards some other type of people. And all those blind trust things and so on? Whoa, there's alot to contemplate about.
I guess I reached a whole new level of trusting people about a week ago. Maybe I'm naive and blue-eyed and brainwashed and all of that put together, but at the moment, I must admit, I don't care if I'm being foolishly trusting, it feels goddamn good inside. I wonder if trusting people is something one can decide relying on their gut-feeling? What if the feeling is really.. right? Do you know what I mean?
Trust and confidence go hand-in-hand. Yes, trust gives confidence and vice versa. Even if it's partially [consciously] deluding yourself, it isn't really wrong to do that in order to obtain the confidence that gives you peace of mind if that's what you're aspiring for, in the end, is it?
Endless flow of rhetorical questions to be followed.. And in the end all we can possibly pray for, is our gut-feeling to be correct for a change. You never know, you know.. Especially when the trusty is far-far away and all you have yourself, is a few assuring words that should keep you company while getting all self-conscious about all the alternatives. But most probably you're seriously overplaying everything. Just chill is what Jesus would do.
I'm sanity-deprived, in a good way:). I'm loving it.
High Contrast - Passion(8)
I guess I reached a whole new level of trusting people about a week ago. Maybe I'm naive and blue-eyed and brainwashed and all of that put together, but at the moment, I must admit, I don't care if I'm being foolishly trusting, it feels goddamn good inside. I wonder if trusting people is something one can decide relying on their gut-feeling? What if the feeling is really.. right? Do you know what I mean?
Trust and confidence go hand-in-hand. Yes, trust gives confidence and vice versa. Even if it's partially [consciously] deluding yourself, it isn't really wrong to do that in order to obtain the confidence that gives you peace of mind if that's what you're aspiring for, in the end, is it?
Endless flow of rhetorical questions to be followed.. And in the end all we can possibly pray for, is our gut-feeling to be correct for a change. You never know, you know.. Especially when the trusty is far-far away and all you have yourself, is a few assuring words that should keep you company while getting all self-conscious about all the alternatives. But most probably you're seriously overplaying everything. Just chill is what Jesus would do.
I'm sanity-deprived, in a good way:). I'm loving it.
High Contrast - Passion(8)
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
True colours
Hey y'all! Long time no type again, pardon me for that. I have been so busy with everything recently (and unexcusably lazybones). Including being in Paris for a week and all the extra-oppressing school stuff I have to handle. But you know what? It's all right, because in nine months (only!) it's all over. For good. No more. Finito. Grande fucking finale! So, to think about in longer perspective, it's quite luminous. Despite the ever-so-depressing autumn time (that's what everybody thinks) here in Finland, I've managed to tune myself onto a positive wavelength and even the nordic mean-ass breeze cannot freeze my warm-warm heart. I mean, in general, life is just so fabulous! It doesn't matter that it's dark and cold for a few months... One good thing about autumn is that I get to wear my autumn coat, which is one of my favourite pieces of clothing. Always look for something positive in this depressing stuff. And after all, the autumn colours are nice also! It was so funny this morning, when I woke up at 06:30, it was dark outside. I had been in Paris for a week and when I came back to Finland autumn had started without me.. and I can't remember when was the last time I had to wake up early anyways. So, I was rather confused for the first few minutes, because I thought my circadian rythms have played a nasty trick on my ass again - but hey you can whistle for it!
(I hope I'm seeing things right now, because it seems to me that it's snowing?! What the.. )
Anyhow, shortly about my Paris trip. It was absolutely amazing, as you can imagine. Paris itself is such a wonderful place already, and seeing my favourite band (Incubus) live there. What else can you possibly wish for? The whole prelude to the gig was over-the-average enjoyable also, quality time with quality companion (Aleksi) in Paris! On the gig day, I saw Moona (my Parisienne love) also, after a very long time, so it was double-great! And the third person who shared the Incubus experience with me, was Mikk, who lives in Paris. He bought Moona's extra ticket. And yes, the whole gig emotion was multiplied at least a thousand times by being blown away by this one person. I don't think I've ever been this happy! This is probably where my warmth comes from, right now also. I met someone who's something soulmate-like, and it's a whole different level of things for me! I've never-ever experienced this kind of a bond with anyone. And believe me, it has never-ever been this hard to leave anyone either... I cried from both happiness and sadness.. but deep down my heart I was/am the happiest girl in the world. I could praise this one person and write a whole book about them, but I do not find words the most relevant medium here. After all, aren't feelings all about the internal sensation? It's hard to address it all so that I could actually relay the very feeling I have inside of me. I'm a happy muffin, because of everything else as well, you know. This happiness is probably what I've been lacking the most, recently. This happiness is the inner strength that helps to cope with everyday shit we are obliged to deal with. It makes me feel so invulnerable, almost immortal. And this happiness opens my eyes. It opens my eyes to all the beauty and little things that actually are there everyday, but with our casual depression we just fail to notice them and therefore they do not benefit us in any way. But when your soul is full of beauty and happiness, you scoop it from everywhere around you and the feeling just grows. (And as Pam Morrison once said, "I feel the most alive witnessing beauty.")It grows like an avalanche launching from one snowflake and ending up as nature's display of power.. Big words, eh? I guess the point I'm so deliberately trying to make here, folks, is that try to find this little snowflake in all the dullness, darkness and oppression that would launch the avalanche [of happiness]. It's the little things that make the world, but they make it only when noticed. And it won't be that gloomy after all! I promise. Money back-guarantee, honeybunnies!
Oh, oh, oh! And one more thing! Don't let the nasty autumn cold-bacteria-bastards get to you! My throat is so very sore right now with an additional extra gay cough, but I'm hanging in there, no worries. It's just stupid and unpleasant, so eat your vitamins and wear scarves and other warm and snuggly things.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses.
I'm just So Happy! :) (:
PS. If you search youtube for "Incubus Paris" you can most probably see the whole gig, it's there. Share my experience in a miniature form. Just note that the date would be 27.09.2007 then!
(I hope I'm seeing things right now, because it seems to me that it's snowing?! What the.. )
Anyhow, shortly about my Paris trip. It was absolutely amazing, as you can imagine. Paris itself is such a wonderful place already, and seeing my favourite band (Incubus) live there. What else can you possibly wish for? The whole prelude to the gig was over-the-average enjoyable also, quality time with quality companion (Aleksi) in Paris! On the gig day, I saw Moona (my Parisienne love) also, after a very long time, so it was double-great! And the third person who shared the Incubus experience with me, was Mikk, who lives in Paris. He bought Moona's extra ticket. And yes, the whole gig emotion was multiplied at least a thousand times by being blown away by this one person. I don't think I've ever been this happy! This is probably where my warmth comes from, right now also. I met someone who's something soulmate-like, and it's a whole different level of things for me! I've never-ever experienced this kind of a bond with anyone. And believe me, it has never-ever been this hard to leave anyone either... I cried from both happiness and sadness.. but deep down my heart I was/am the happiest girl in the world. I could praise this one person and write a whole book about them, but I do not find words the most relevant medium here. After all, aren't feelings all about the internal sensation? It's hard to address it all so that I could actually relay the very feeling I have inside of me. I'm a happy muffin, because of everything else as well, you know. This happiness is probably what I've been lacking the most, recently. This happiness is the inner strength that helps to cope with everyday shit we are obliged to deal with. It makes me feel so invulnerable, almost immortal. And this happiness opens my eyes. It opens my eyes to all the beauty and little things that actually are there everyday, but with our casual depression we just fail to notice them and therefore they do not benefit us in any way. But when your soul is full of beauty and happiness, you scoop it from everywhere around you and the feeling just grows. (And as Pam Morrison once said, "I feel the most alive witnessing beauty.")It grows like an avalanche launching from one snowflake and ending up as nature's display of power.. Big words, eh? I guess the point I'm so deliberately trying to make here, folks, is that try to find this little snowflake in all the dullness, darkness and oppression that would launch the avalanche [of happiness]. It's the little things that make the world, but they make it only when noticed. And it won't be that gloomy after all! I promise. Money back-guarantee, honeybunnies!
Oh, oh, oh! And one more thing! Don't let the nasty autumn cold-bacteria-bastards get to you! My throat is so very sore right now with an additional extra gay cough, but I'm hanging in there, no worries. It's just stupid and unpleasant, so eat your vitamins and wear scarves and other warm and snuggly things.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses.
I'm just So Happy! :) (:
PS. If you search youtube for "Incubus Paris" you can most probably see the whole gig, it's there. Share my experience in a miniature form. Just note that the date would be 27.09.2007 then!
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