Illusory dreams

"The wise are not learned, the learned are not wise." Lao Tze.

We love indulging ourselves in our nice cosy illusions of what and who are surrounding us, and sometimes even our own lives. Reality checks every now and then might become handy and healthy, though. It's kind of like living without a TV, without knowing what's vitally hot and not in the world, but still checking the news sometimes, to know your time and place a bit better. Do you get what I mean? If you don't do it, you might encounter a rather unpleasant situation when the reality bangs in your face unexpected, and there is absolutely nothing to cushion the blow.
On the other extreme, those who do not let any snuggly illusions overtake them from time to time, and live a cynical and sceptical life 24/7, might be miserable in some other aspects. Again we should try and mingle ourselves into something of a compromise and balance.

And also, a train of thought of Peter Cajander's. Some ideas definitely worthy of spreading, and thinking about. Here's a little something about Trust:

"Trust is about relying on someone, letting ourselves be vulner-
able and fragile, totally dependent on someone. It is a token of
something pure and innocent, a way of expressing confidence
and pure beliefs. Something beautiful and overwhelming.
Appreciation without apprehension. A bond that if you are
careful will last through almost anything, but with a misstep
can be broken as easily as any china.

Its strength is in its vulnerability. Its kindness and willing-
ness to sacrifice and be naked in front of the other grasp its
essence. Trust is something you cannot fake. Either you have
it or you do not have it. It can be built upon but once lost it is
almost impossible to repair. It is a fine line that is so easy to
cross and so hard to be noticed. Trust is like love. It's up to us
to make the choice. By choosing to trust, you never lose. It is
not about the outcome but the intent. Nobody ever wins any-
thing if there is nothing to be trusted. Someone has to start—
why not let it be you? It is all about trust, and the final
outcome is not up to you."

Pills in my pocket

I just cannot be bothered to finish my Psychology Internal Assessment work right now. Don't have anything better to do either. I'm going through some major maniac cognitive dissonance (google it, if you don't know what it is). But the sad part about this problem is that I don't have anything else to do either. Maybe go to sleep? I even overcame the headache I had earlier. What the hell am I supposed to do, to make it a bit more bearable? Starting a new post here is just another excuse for procrastinating with it. NNNNGH! Help.

But otherwise time flies bloody fast. And I just flutter along with it. I have this restlessness in me that has been dormant for quite some time, I suspect. Some energy that's waiting to be released.

Yesterday I had a great time with my ladies, went to play snooker first (a random remark, at the place, there was a dog, randomly lounging about, how cool is that?), and then for a quick drink, and I was home before 11pm already, actually. Walked Juulia home, and after that stayed with myself outside still. I was completely alone, went to sit on a snowy swing, listening to Lisa Ekdahl, enjoying the moment to the fullest. I fell down the swing, on my arse, in the snow. It was rather unpleasant, but despite the nastiness, and perhaps slight pain, I cracked up real bad and laughed from the bottom of my heart. It was so funny - I was on my own.. and enjoying the moment. Pity I couldn't stay outside for longer, my body demanded for its rights. But nevertheless, the point in telling you this little incident with snow, my ass, and Lisa Ekdahl is that, again, I have to repeat myself: cherish the moments! Life is bloody wonderful!
iLove

I wish I had more to say at the moment, so that I wouldn't have to write the IA. I'll go make myself a cup of tea, it solves everything.. hopefully? And also, can someone please come melt this snow and slush together with my cold cold heart (: ?

New steps of change

After having been very anti-social my blog-wise, I always start the post with whining about how I don't have enough time to write, or how I've just been inexcusably lazy. Not tonight. Haa!
A new page has turned in my life in many aspects. I turned 19 some days ago (make it five), and this is my last year of teenagership (must love making words up) - so does that mean I should use the chance to do crazy/stupid things and still get away with it? To be honest, this year, I didn't get the "birthday feeling" at all. I just reached some new level of comprehending affairs around me, with this very calm bystander's feeling. Am I getting old? What defines old? Or is it called mature? Anyways, I've found the peace of mind I've so desperately been looking for, in many aspects. I really like the feeling - what ever comes my way - I'll take it as an adventure.. And after all, I do not think I have the power to manipulate fate anyways, so why bother with things you cannot change? Things will always go the way they have to, and what's left for you to do is to enjoy the journey.
I have been accepted to three universities in the United Kingdom for now. Still waiting to hear from Cardiff and Queen Margareth in Edinburgh. I had a telephone interview with London Westminster on Friday, and I don't want to boast, but I aced it pretty well. Felt confident, and good, and the man whom I was talking to, seemed to be more than delighted to stumble upon me. I am pretty sure this certainty with my future adds to the general peace of mind also. I don't really have to worry about much anything. As long as I get my finals done the way I've done my mocks this far, I'll be good. Security is a good feeling. Makes me feel absolutely invulnerable.
What makes me even more happy, is that I've finally partially achieved something I've been striving towards for the past two years. The reason behind me moving to Finland was being able to study in the UK.. And what am I going to do now? The most stupid act from my part at the moment would be letting it all go, and lowering my standards. This is the final struggle, and better make it good. Work hard, party hard.
When it comes to human relationships, some shifts in powerlines have taken place also. I thought me moving to Finland filtered my friends a great deal. What I've noticed now, is that time tends to do that also. New people come your way, and sometimes take a surprisingly big and important position. Whereas the people you've held closer to your heart than anything else fade away. It most probably does not mean they would not hold you dear any more, but.. maybe distance/time and other dimensions just lose their meaning? In any case, I do know that friendships are a two-way process, and cannot function if only one side is being active. It's a pity, but then again, as I mentioned earlier, things probably just go the way they have to, and there's nothing you can do about it, but accept, and enjoy the new circumstances. It's definitely not worse, just different. Strange, how people are actually scared of different/new things. Why? Insecurity that comes along with unpredictability?
It is indescribably nice to have the thicker end of the rope, and actually not care about it. Indifference is not the case - but you just don't let anything get to you. Trivialities are just trivialities (which should not bring anyone down). A nice, clean picture in my head. Clean-clear, and confident.
But how many Wrongs have to cross our way before we find the Least Wrong One? Is there such thing anyways? One I know for certain, though: honesty, dignity, self-love, and prioritising [yourself] are the key to this nice zenness I'm experiencing right now.
Keep your eyes and minds open to everything, and the world will seem like a nicer place. Inevitabilities are maybe unpleasant, but the way you tune yourself determines how easily you'll bite your way through it.
Enough of this preaching, I feel good. Hope everyone does, on some level.
Now there's one fight [flight?] left - what to do with this occasional creepy-crawly feeling of affection deprivation?

Future looks bright and exciting. Hold tight, world, and do behave.