Go tell it to the trees, egghead!

Hello, everyone. I can say proudly that I managed to finish my Extended Essay, finally. I was struggling with it for way too long! I have to admit it would have probably been less painful for me, the whole process, I mean, but the way I am just won't let me do things at the right time. Therefore, I'm constantly in a rush and when relevant and prioritised things should be done, I'm reading something totally different, drawing or sweating at gym, or you know... Something like that:). Sometimes I don't even know myself where all my time goes. I swear there has to be a black hole somewhere just behind my back, following me everywhere. It sucks in the time and then I realise I've been spacing out again for hours and it's beyond late. Huh. Maybe some people just are not born with the time-managing gene. I'm a perfect example of this. Nevertheless, I keep deadlines, purely out of respect towards the people around me, but the cost will be my sleep and mental health. I think it's fair enough.
Today I got another thing, Math Porfolio (a mathematical investigation) done. Feels somewhat relieveing also. This weekend I don't have to stress too much with official crap, for a change, and I can just let loose and enjoy my home alone time. Mom is in Estonia again.
I actually spent my autumn holiday there myself, also. It was hectic, but nice. Managed to meet up with most of the people I really wanted to see, however a few of them yet to be seen. I hope to maybe get some Estonians over here also. Everyone's always making promises about coming to visit me here, but they rarely do... I hate it when promises made are not kept. What's the use of throwing meaningless words around, giving birth to pointless hope in others?
I am not certain, whether my mood-swings are to be tracked down to the neurotic essence of me, or just some random external mediators that try to manipulate my perception of things, but yes, moody I am. It's even bothering myself to a very great extent - how about the others then? How do the people around me cope with the bitchy me? I'm sowwy for being the way I am sometimes. I try hard, but I fail miserably in making it any better. However, it seems that there is some constant discontentment in me I cannot shake off. Absolutely no idea where it derives from. I am happy, in general, if you ask that. There is nothing wrong in my life at the moment. Maybe the thing causing my resentment is the fact that everything is sort of alright, but very... monochromatic, dull, and blunt?
In a way my emotions have come down to a more gravity-oriented ground. They are still as strong as they used to be some time ago, but they take into consideration also the little flaws around me. More objective towards the world, yes? Or just more forbearing?

It could also be that the autumn has now really crawled under my skin and the typical norhtern kaamos has hit me. I mean, people do adapt to the environment they live in, don't they? It sure seems to be one aspect of the instinct of self-preservation, for me. Thank goodness there still are some people who remind me every now and then, when I get too gloomy on their ass, that life is awfully nice in reality, and I'm just thinking too much and over-dramatising, as usually. So true. And some people are just way too amazing to be true, makes me wonder what I've done so very well that I've deserved you?! What would I do without you, guys :)? Big love.

It seems that my university picture is de-fogging now, finally. After being to this massive fair in Helsinki (Studia Messut), which is all about universities and colleges. My aces are set on London, Edinburgh, Dublin, Cardiff, Paris and Lyon. The two latter ones are a bit more unlikely, because studying in the UK is just so much cheaper. And living in France.. I would have to sell myself in the streets to be able to buy food, probably. So, I'll see about those. I don't mind living with my mom, she's the most wonderful thing on earth, but I have to admit, I cannot wait to move away. I've been craving for my own little home for so long now. Nothing too fancy or spectacular, but just my own cosy little place, where I can be on my own. I need space around myself, mentally. This little town atmosphere can get quite oppressing, sometimes. And a change also, cause restless is the way I am and can't really do anything about it... Yes, UK, here I come!

Try not to get too affection-deprived the way I am right now. It will get you all-angst and das ist nicht so gut! Listen to High Contrast's new album Tough Guys Don't Dance also! It's some seriously good stuff. And Commix in Helsinki almost rocked my sense perception, I loved it so much.
Do not mug youself. If you get my drift..