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When you reach a seemingly dead end, it feels beyond helpless/hopeless. But hey, don't let the world bring you down, 'cause not everyone here is that f*cked up and cold (like these great lyrics in one song say). Staying positive might seem like the hardest thing to do, but in reality, when things are wrong, they seem 10000x more horrible than they really are. Stay positive. Even if it's -20'C outside and all you're wearing is a pair of Converse sneakers, it might seem like the world is just conveniently f*cking you in the face, but that's not the case. If there are 1000 things to bring you down, and make you unhappy, there is at least 1001 things to make you happy. Just open your eyes to them. It's the little things that make the world.
Feeling alone in the middle of a crowd must be one of the most horrible sensations for a person, but try not to forget that no-one wants to be alone. It all comes down to everyone just trying to fight the loneliness so desperately. More warmth, more warm feelings, more support. And it will be all good. And also stand up for the weaker. No-one deserves being treated unfairly.
It is up to you to make the difference you're craving for. Just do it (you Can).
The moment you close your eyes to the seeming reality, a new dimension unfolds.
What do you see behind clouds?
What is it that sends shivers down your spine?
In a drop of water a whole world hides,
a terrain so profound awaits you to close your eyes, and open your mind.
Open your mind.
Dare to dream, drift away.
Why are you so afraid of freedom?
Why do we encounter the situations we do? Are all the things we have to put up with a test of some sort? Why does it seem that some people just have these tests all the time, stability and and calmness are way too much to ask for? Is it just them seeing the world through dark glasses? Is it fair that some people have it so much easier, while the others get f***ed in the face on a daily basis? Will they be "stronger" in the end, or is it just genuinely bad luck, and fate just favours some?
If someone finds answers to these questions, let me know. I'm dying to find out! :)
This is something that opened my waterworks with absolute full power. It is a text that is going to be published in our Lyseon Kronikka (school chronics), and everyone in our class had to write a characterisation to someone. Juulia wrote mine. She is such a sweetheart, and dearer than I probably even realise myself. I love my friends so much, don't know what I'd do without you. Just know that... I do think about you guys all the time, even the ones that are a bit further away and the ones I don't really talk with on a daily basis. You're all in my heart, honeybunnies! Big, everlasting love!
Anyways, here it is:
A vibrant, adventurous girl born into the wrong generation. Her heart lies in the summertime of consciousness: the era of hippies, psychedelia and Jim Morrison. Nevertheless, she makes her own world by fearlessly stepping into the unknown - that's how she got herself from Estonia to Finland in the first place! Ave is always up for anything, may it be a crazy drum n' bass event or a quiet moment with tea and candles. She's the perfect company to have random, mindless conversations with, or with whom to indulge in pseudo-philosophical babble. She loves to travel and has taken off to Manchester and Paris during the past year, always with a random buddy from our class - both of which have surprisingly made it back. Overdosing on Starbucks, tea, cheddar and crisps, and getting a rainbow eye at an Arctic Monkeys concert, as well as a British accent ... And not to speak of the inside jokes of "chocolát, crazy woman tall, whiteboy slim feat. sorty", etc., stuff that the rest of our class has yet to quite figure out. Her trip to the States last summer opened new horizons in her life; Ave is happiest when she's leaning against the wind in San Fransisco, feeling weightless. Ave feels most alive when recognising beauty, and this she manages to encapture in her gorgeous photography and psychedelic drawings. Singing is also close to her heart; it's not a rare occasion to hear Ave suddenly burst out into song while standing in the lunch line. She's very outgoing and social, making her easy to befriend, but even her closest friends have yet to see all the sides that this intriguing, sparkly (and hopelessly dirty-minded) personality holds within. Though Ave is labile and has a craving for affection, she's incredibly independent and all the more reliable. There's nothing that she wouldn't do for her friends and family - not to speak of her home country. Ave is a patriotic Estonian and is incapable of holding her tongue when it comes to matters concerning her homeland.
Though greatly opinionated in many areas, Ave still possesses an open mind. She's also equipped with a notable amount of useless talents, such as her phenomenal "instant fog" effect. Ave's beauty, both inside and outside, has won over the hearts of many. She loves music and movies, and adventures in the twilight zone, which may end up even in the Swiss Embassy ... She's a genuine, caring person, and very cuddly!
It must also be said that she makes the best cheesecake and gives the best hand massages ever. If Ave would be an animal, she would definitely be a lemur: random, eccentric, maybe even slightly devious.
It's not easy to predict where Ave will wind up someday: it's just as likely for her to become a street photographer in Paris as it is for her to pursue her dream of being a pilot, soaring in the neverending skies. No matter what, there's something that can be said for sure about this mezmerising little bundle of Aveus ... Even though she has already lived a full, vibrant life so far, she will make sure that the best for her is yet to come.
What if you have so much to say that you couldn't possibly fit it in words to spoon-feed it to those that should listen? The meaning the words carry is so often misjudged by those who give them out. To be able to talk to someone without the "energy loss" is one of those magic powers yet to be reached. It is sad to see how people communicate, but they do not actually understand each other. These flows always skew, never collide. People collide and conflict.
To hear without listening.
To listen without understanding.
To understand without perceiving.
To perceive without comprehending.
To comprehend mistakenly.
To misjudge the importance.
Why do we do it? I guess it might as well be one of those eternal questions to be sought an answer for, from the beginning of human existence, to the very last respite of the last one of us all.
But then again, the answer might also be that we are just not competent enough to actually seperate these things from each other. We are too blind to see anything beyond the surface. If we try and look through it, it tears us apart. De-mystifying life, I think, might actually turn its beauty against us. But go figure - who am I to even ponder about these things? I know that I don't know anything, as one smart man once has said, but I am still willing to seek for that ultimate truth. Or just peace of mind.
But right now, above all things, I would want daily trivial marginal happiness outweigh these way too heavy thoughts. So I'm waiting for it to come. I can feel a change, and I like the vibes around me. Patience is the keyword. Patient people have it so much easier!
I think I just lost this little train of thought. Therefore I shall make an attempt to practise some of that sleep-thingie.
And oh, I really wouldn't mind this change of direction. Not a tiniest bit:).
Home?
Dreaming is to the mind like regular exercise is to the body. It is like reading a book is to your imagination.
It is what makes the real difference to you, in the form that there is always something higher to reach for - a goal set. Does not matter if it is too abstract to achieve in reality. It will keep you going, motivated.
Do dream, it's healthy. Dreams change the world.
This is a good time for leaving all the negative trivia behind, and turning a new page. Not saying this because it's the cliché end-of-the-year thing to do, but because people too often lack the motivation to better the quality of their lives. If this kind of a push in the back (no matter how artificial it actually would be) that is needed, then why not do it NOW?Turning the new blank page is a good way of starting the new year with a peace of mind. And to an extent a peaceful mind is the most valuable treasure a human can find. Free your minds. Happy new year.
Funny how all things that are somewhat different from the average daily trivia (starting from exams and ending with the fall of pressure, and general feelings) that we have to put up with, make you sleepy.
I could really do that holiday now, even though I think I've done a fairly good job with keeping up the positive mood.
I don't know any more.
To be enjoyed from my balcony with a nice cup of tea.
Amazing how we are so sensitive to the elements around us. I've been reading psychology almost the whole day, but I've also downloaded some good music, and right now Telefon Tel Aviv's album Map Of What Is Effortless is just the best thing ever, surprisingly, for the moment. Absolutely love it.
We are all just receptors and intakers of information, vibes and other perceivable things, intuitive feelers. The way we process what has been fed to us determines how we sense the world, how we label the actions around us, how we tune our perceptions to guide our brains to an understanding.
Life is so fascinating, but nevertheless, if anyone happens to find a time-travelling machine, let me know. I'm just praying for 15/01/08 to be over right now. After that I will probably go through a major impedance drop, which hopefully will not convert into a mental breakdown..
Oh my. We have to survive another bunch of mocks now... they will get done, I know. The mind is distracted from life by life. The most suffocating thing is if you cannot really show what and how you feel, if you have to hold in even the positive things, while you'd love to scream your joy out loud to the whole wide world. And there aren't even any rules restricting you, it's all in your head. We set our boundaries and limits ourselves, but what makes us decide whether something is better kept seemingly dormant? Are we just making these things up, or how could we ever predict someone else's reaction to what we have in store? There's alot to ponder about, and seems syrreal that Christmas is here in about a week, and no feeling whatsoever with it. Nothing, nada, niente!
Imbalance is the worst state of mind to be in. Even if it's self-inflicted... Going with the flow still seems to be the best course of action, but what if the faith is lost? No-one wants to piss against the wind!
What a classic ToK-moment (IBbrainwash buujaa!): How can we know? Do we know at all? And what is Right? Is there such thing as The Right Thing? Who gets to decide?
Do you guys believe in fate?
My yoga teacher sent me an interesting text by someone I cannot remember sometime ago, and I really liked the way this one idea was put there:
The world, in general, is a neutral place, all the things happening around us, and also the physical matter. It is us who determine what the world is like, in our heads. It is as simple as that. We can either interpret an action in a positive way or negative. And people, unfortunately, too often have this pessimistic attitude already before something happens. So, the world will end up seeming gloomy and awful, but that's because we make it like that.
I proved to myself this weekend, that I am definitely one of those people who just have drama in their head Before something happens. And most of the problems are pseudo. I just think too much and see the spook absolutely everywhere.
Oh, and as I talked about communication some time ago, that it is underrated... It is, and non-verbal communication is even more. Yes, it leaves more space for your imagination to work on it, but in reality, we rarely miss with our judgements.
Actions speak louder than words.
Communication is so underrated. It is often said that words are overrated, but the lack of them nevertheless, gives birth to the biggest worries and problems in life. In this form, ignorance is not bliss, because if we don't really know what the other person thinks or wants to say, we will end up perplexing our little stupid heads with ideas that might not even be close to truth.
So, talk. Communicate. It might seem hard in the beginning to even tell your beloved ones how very dear they are to you really, but if you get used to it, it will be easier... and it will make your life easier, and theirs, of course, also.
As fate has the habit of playing tennis, and other games, wouldn't it be a real shame, if the person you hold so very dear, would just... leave... one day, not knowing that you loved them so much?
Note: The title of this post is a quote from one of my favourite films, Donnie Darko.
Okay, this is odd, but really, my mom asked me to think of seven things I've heard in my life, but cannot really believe, and write them in my blog. She did that through her blog. This is what information society has lead to - even families communicate online. But to the point now: seven things I've heard, but don't believe.
1. Lightning never strikes twice. Not true. If you screw up something real bad once, it's absolutely guaranteed you will do it again.
2. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It also makes the heart forget and move on, and stop deluding itself.
3. The wise learn from others' mistakes. Not true, because no-one ever really does, and I'm miserably failing in admitting that the whole human population is stupid. And even more, the lessons learnt from one's own mistakes are the lessons best learnt.
4. Money cannot buy happiness. This is only partially true, because money can provide objects for well-being, and what people nowadays are most often worried about, is money, in the end. So, if you have one thing less to worry about, aren't you more happy?
5. All human beings are good. They're not. They just aren't! There's so many bastards and evil people around manipulating and harming firstly our dear planet and secondly its inhabitants in every form.
6. Water is the best cure for a hangover when you have it already. Water only helps in preventing hangover, but when you have it already, water does not make you feel too good.
7. A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Drunk words are just drunk thoughts..
And as this is some sort of a thing that needs to be passed on, I'd like Linn, Hando, Lenno and Kristin also to think about it and write 7 things they don't believe in.
"Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
"Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe." - Voltaire
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha
"The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents." - Salvador Dali
What I've been contemplating about recently is the saying "ignorance is bliss". To what extent do I agree with it? In this post-modern society we live in, it seems that information (as in knowing) is all. But does it apply in every aspect of our lives? Let us consider some examples. There are those people among us that maybe don't do the "thinking regularly thingie" too much, or at least do not seem reach the levels some others do (I apologise for being stuck in stereotypes, but as I am a part(icle) of the society, I am therefore the victim of its illness). The kind of shallow and superficial people, whose priorities in life are predominantly finding an escort, and in order to do that, looking appealing 24/7 (sometimes I really wonder if those people wear their make-up also at night). The kind of behaviour attracts similar kind of individuals from the opposite gender. They wear their souls on their face, and therefore most often succeed in approaching the mate, because isn't it easy to fall for a person who does not seem to wear any shadows on their personality and depths? After finding the escort, all what life is about for them is fun and intoxicating pleasures. I find it a rather primitive demeanour, because the main objective for Homo neanderthalis was also the continuation of their race (in which they unfortunately failed), and as a derivative from there, finding shelter and food. It would be a gross case of reductionism to state that they do not think. Of course they do (I'm back to bashing the shallow people). But do they ever thing about things such as the meaning of (after)life, the existence and essence of God if it exists at all? What I have personally noticed is that abstract, immaterial and uncommon ideas do not seem to be of any relevance whatsoever. I think it is necessary to reapeat I am talking about stereotypes, which definitely do not apply everywhere.
The other kind of people is the kind that mostly surrounds me. At least in the inner circle. Cannot say, of course, that the (wannabe pseudo-)philosophical discussions are all there are, but very often, the discussion topics include something so abstract it is hard to reach some sort of universal truth or logical conclusion. I remember the last bigger discussion was on ToK cruise, when we first talked about learning about the human life and personality, and ended up with free will and whether everything is predestined or not. The more in depth the topic is discussed, the more questions yet to hash over arise. It could be said the people who think about those things are more aware (=less ignorant) of what is really going on in the world, even though they might not be competent to provide us with any answers or unquestionable truth. Isn't it so that these unanswered questions lead to distress and anxiety, because we might end up being sure about nothing?
So could it be deduced, from this very discussion, that ignorance is bliss, because in the end, when being ignorant, you are less distressed with the ugliness of the world, the fact that you can never ever be sure of anything, the fact that you are not going to be able to find out the real truth etc. ? To live in one's own little bubble = to live in a happy world, without these unanswered enigmas? I don't know.
It's just something to go on about forever. Mind food. And I find these two quotes by Socrates very appropriat here...
"Wisdom begins in wonder."
"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."
How many of you people know you're alive? How many of you know you're Really Alive?
Yes, I'm quite runny at the moment. Not too bad, but definitely unpleasant, the feeling.
Things are perplexing and I'm still trying hard to achieve at least some level of understanding in various timely aspects surrounding me. More soliloquies to come up about those ponderings, but at the moment I just .. am. Maybe it is a good thing for a change?
With eyes blood red I await for the weekend to come.
Only at night I
See the catch so blunt
Perplexing or what
Haikus are underrated.
Hello, everyone. I can say proudly that I managed to finish my Extended Essay, finally. I was struggling with it for way too long! I have to admit it would have probably been less painful for me, the whole process, I mean, but the way I am just won't let me do things at the right time. Therefore, I'm constantly in a rush and when relevant and prioritised things should be done, I'm reading something totally different, drawing or sweating at gym, or you know... Something like that:). Sometimes I don't even know myself where all my time goes. I swear there has to be a black hole somewhere just behind my back, following me everywhere. It sucks in the time and then I realise I've been spacing out again for hours and it's beyond late. Huh. Maybe some people just are not born with the time-managing gene. I'm a perfect example of this. Nevertheless, I keep deadlines, purely out of respect towards the people around me, but the cost will be my sleep and mental health. I think it's fair enough.
Today I got another thing, Math Porfolio (a mathematical investigation) done. Feels somewhat relieveing also. This weekend I don't have to stress too much with official crap, for a change, and I can just let loose and enjoy my home alone time. Mom is in Estonia again.
I actually spent my autumn holiday there myself, also. It was hectic, but nice. Managed to meet up with most of the people I really wanted to see, however a few of them yet to be seen. I hope to maybe get some Estonians over here also. Everyone's always making promises about coming to visit me here, but they rarely do... I hate it when promises made are not kept. What's the use of throwing meaningless words around, giving birth to pointless hope in others?
I am not certain, whether my mood-swings are to be tracked down to the neurotic essence of me, or just some random external mediators that try to manipulate my perception of things, but yes, moody I am. It's even bothering myself to a very great extent - how about the others then? How do the people around me cope with the bitchy me? I'm sowwy for being the way I am sometimes. I try hard, but I fail miserably in making it any better. However, it seems that there is some constant discontentment in me I cannot shake off. Absolutely no idea where it derives from. I am happy, in general, if you ask that. There is nothing wrong in my life at the moment. Maybe the thing causing my resentment is the fact that everything is sort of alright, but very... monochromatic, dull, and blunt?
In a way my emotions have come down to a more gravity-oriented ground. They are still as strong as they used to be some time ago, but they take into consideration also the little flaws around me. More objective towards the world, yes? Or just more forbearing?
It could also be that the autumn has now really crawled under my skin and the typical norhtern kaamos has hit me. I mean, people do adapt to the environment they live in, don't they? It sure seems to be one aspect of the instinct of self-preservation, for me. Thank goodness there still are some people who remind me every now and then, when I get too gloomy on their ass, that life is awfully nice in reality, and I'm just thinking too much and over-dramatising, as usually. So true. And some people are just way too amazing to be true, makes me wonder what I've done so very well that I've deserved you?! What would I do without you, guys :)? Big love.
It seems that my university picture is de-fogging now, finally. After being to this massive fair in Helsinki (Studia Messut), which is all about universities and colleges. My aces are set on London, Edinburgh, Dublin, Cardiff, Paris and Lyon. The two latter ones are a bit more unlikely, because studying in the UK is just so much cheaper. And living in France.. I would have to sell myself in the streets to be able to buy food, probably. So, I'll see about those. I don't mind living with my mom, she's the most wonderful thing on earth, but I have to admit, I cannot wait to move away. I've been craving for my own little home for so long now. Nothing too fancy or spectacular, but just my own cosy little place, where I can be on my own. I need space around myself, mentally. This little town atmosphere can get quite oppressing, sometimes. And a change also, cause restless is the way I am and can't really do anything about it... Yes, UK, here I come!
Try not to get too affection-deprived the way I am right now. It will get you all-angst and das ist nicht so gut! Listen to High Contrast's new album Tough Guys Don't Dance also! It's some seriously good stuff. And Commix in Helsinki almost rocked my sense perception, I loved it so much.
Do not mug youself. If you get my drift..
So, it's 06:19 and I'm fed up, or I mean.. I can't make sense any more. I didn't write my conclusion yet, but the contents are ready. I feel relieved. But as I would have to wake up in 45 minutes, I don't think I am going to bed any more. So I'll go have a very early breakfast after a nice shower. But I'm still proud of myself for getting Something done. The quality of the work is a totally different topic, of course..
It's so dark outside!
When you reach a seemingly dead end, it feels beyond helpless/hopeless. But hey, don't let the world bring you down, 'cause not everyone here is that f*cked up and cold (like these great lyrics in one song say). Staying positive might seem like the hardest thing to do, but in reality, when things are wrong, they seem 10000x more horrible than they really are. Stay positive. Even if it's -20'C outside and all you're wearing is a pair of Converse sneakers, it might seem like the world is just conveniently f*cking you in the face, but that's not the case. If there are 1000 things to bring you down, and make you unhappy, there is at least 1001 things to make you happy. Just open your eyes to them. It's the little things that make the world.
